Category Archives: Sexual

Society and Sluts

There are very few people who see me who would think me a slut. I wear tee-shirts and jeans when I go out. I tend to be fairly unassuming.

But people might read what I do and how I behave, without seeing me, without knowing me and perhaps assume that I am a “slut” or one those nasty words that society uses to describe women it doesn’t like or thinks might have “too much sex”. Despite the fact that no one every defines what “too much” is. My guess is that too much is more than the listener has had.

The average American woman has four sexual partners in her lifetime and the average American man has six to eight, according to the Kinsey Institute. Would too much be more than that? I guess I’ve still had more than too much for a woman–I’m looking at eight right now at 23. Now granted, that’s not a lot compared to some people (a friend recounted her total and came up with around 48 and she’s about four years older than I am). But it is more than a few people I know (many of my guy friends). Who’s counting?

Is frequency what counts? Well, geez, I guess I fit into that category too. Only 7.5% of partnered women my age have sex more than four times a week (same source).

Is it when first intercourse occurred? There’s another category in which I look like a slut to the statistics, though not by much: 16.6 compared to the average American female’s 17.4 (same source again).

But who’s counting, really?

The fact that I am a bisexual queer poly woman, with large-ish breasts would be enough for some people to judge me a slut based on stereotypes, even without knowing the numbers. Not that the numbers matter.

What matters is one thing: I do not define myself as a slut, therefore I am not. Period. End of sentence.


Feminism and submission

This is something that comes to my mind on occasion and I am not sure how to deal with.  How can I reconcile the fact that I am a feminist with the fact that I have submissive tendencies (outside of everyday life)?

There are a few forums/websites that try to deal with this phenomenon–since it is not an uncommon conundrum–such as this one (NSFW).

I think it is choice feminism that can best take on this idea–this is my choice to engage in behaviors that are submissive in nature. But choice feminism does not take into account that not all behaviors are feminist–even if they are performed by people who consider themselves feminists. I think I am okay with this though because in the end it is my consent that matters the most when it comes to these things and if I enthusiastically consent to doing these things (whatever they may be) it may not be feminist, per se, but it does not invalidate my feminism.

Plus, as human beings, we define ourselves by many things–who says I can’t be a feminist and have submissive tendencies? They are both just facets of my character.

My gender expression is
ALWAYS!, adult, ally, assertive, beautiful, bi-romantic, bidyke, biogirl, bisensual, bisexual, bitch, bondage, bubbly, child, cisgender, confused, cuddly, curious, daughter, different, dork, doublecrossdresser, female, female-bodied, female-identified, feminist, flirt, fluid, friend, friendly, GLBTQA, gay-friendly, gender expressive, girl, huggy, human, intelligent, interested, introvert, kinky, LGBTQA, lady, liberal, lover, Miss, Ms., miss, niece, not sure of others, odd, person, polycurious, polyflexible, polysexual, pro-choice, pro-gay, progressive, queer, queer-friendly, queer-minded, questioning, quirky, quiz whore, sensitive, sex positive, shy, sister, socialist, student, submissive, trans-friendly, trustworthy, understanding, wench, woman, XX
What’s yours?


It is such a utilitarian thing–so plain.  Something we do in the morning and get on with our day, or something we do in the evening to relax before sleeping.

But there is something about sharing a shower with someone that is so intimate–you are both naked, that is a given and that is often sexual, but it is also vulnerable.  You are showing your naked body to someone–in good light–and people do funny things in the shower, so it also makes you a little emotionally vulnerable as well.

To me this combination of the sexual, vulnerable, and wet is highly erotic–it is something that can consistently turn me on whether I am reading about it (erotica), watching it (porn), or doing it (showering together/sexing in the shower/masturbating in the shower).